Growing pain, plenty of thoughts

Fuck it, forgot to shut of the valve of the water in my garden house in time. Now it’s frozen solid. That will need attention this week and then later in february when I’m home again, probably needs repairing, aiai. But I did close the mainvalve now and there is another one somewhere in the garden outside, which I will close in time before I leave for the hot sun in Australia.

Oh god I’m longing to leave, it’s getting too hot here under my feet (dutch expression) and too cold outside king winter gives us early snow and deep freeze.

Need to do some administration first, but I love writing articles, it’s getting clear, I want to stand in the kitchen cooking for life, love, soulfood and to sit down and write my thoughts about everything that attracts my attention, wants to come out, haha spread the word, what I mainly want is someone who wants to listen to me, don’t we all want a listening ear, someone who doesn’t start talking about his or hers own misery, but just listens, so you can empty your heart and feel what is reallly going on inside?

Oh yes I can meditate and oh yes, in the end you can reflect upon yourself and don’t need to let it all hang out, but we are human beings and we do need each other to reflect, and I meet you because you are my mirror and I have to deal with all this, so I get what I need, and yes I missed this listening ear, when I was a child, I didn’t have the feeling I was heard at all. And inside it shouted all right. But outside I was silent. I can be very silent and very non-existent.

But heho, this woman is growing up and although it hurts a lot and I seem to be making the same mistakes over and over, gradually I’m learning: the Kaizen way, slowly step by step. Don’t run, don’t hide, just be. It’s flooding time, tears, I’m tired then I can’t hide my feelings, but this afternoon I feel I’m getting stronger again, let’s dance…..

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