Santa AUM

Interesting what happens when you are used to a certain order and then they change it and they put some extra challenge in it by talking it all together with Santa Claus and what resistance you will find then? I have nothing with the good old man supposed to be delivering presents on the 5th of december to children who belief he’s reallly coming all the way from Spain in his boat with a lot of black servants and on his horse riding the roofs and throwing presents through the chimneys. And when you won’t behave he will put you in his bag and takes you back to Spain. How upsetting.

I found out somewhere midway my childhood it was all fake when I found my mother sitting in the middle of a lot of presents, paper, writing…We had fun though making presents for eachother making up weird poems and awesome surprises for years…

I feel warm and loving after the AUM, peaceful. I did get rid of some horrible nasty pictures, feelings and the reward is love and peace. In the part when you can go completely beserk I always get these images form childhood, let’s call it the ghosts. This time my grandmother appeared. She died in a mental institute, she had fluid behind the lungs,  bad treatment or just neglected? One time we visited and she was locked in a isolated room. Soft walls, the only piece of furniture a bare mattress, strong smell of urine, not a pretty sight to find your grandmother who once was so beautiful and keen on keeping her hair fixed. She got lost somewhere, wartrauma, to much pain hidden for everything they did to her in the Japanese camps, break her fingers so she couldn’t play the violin anymore, no humanity left, just a number, standing up straight in the blasting sun counting the prisoners, no food, no medicines, bending for the ones who are torturing you, it’s the pain I see in my parents eyes too, my father lost it into his Alzheimer, ’they are looking at me all the time’,  he whispers, oh god I wish I could take him home, give him some consolidation. He died unexpected, gladly piece of mind.

I have these images, not mine, but they are coming anyway, not my pain, but I struggle, I feel fear, the world is not a funhouse, so many wars, so many people tortured,  not free to go where they want to, not free to say or think or do what they want, this earth we are killing, we should be thankful for our existence and the opportunities we get and be loving and giving for everything we are receiving. Mother earth should be rewarded, so I thank you for making me aware.

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